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Mr. OB Dr., I'm Not Sure I Like You

The longest three hours of my life just came to an end about half an hour ago.  I write this while still on an adrenaline high and still a little teary.  I will try to make this story short.  No promises.

Today I had my first appointment with the regular OB.  I was really excited to be able to see what life is like on the other end of the fertility spectrum.  A waiting room full of pregnant ladies.  People actually talking in the waiting room instead of staring straight forward in complete silence and refusing to make eye contact with anyone.  A husband and wife sitting in the corner bitching about their 3 kids at home and now the 4th one is on the way, how miserable.  It was fun, I felt a little like a spy.

After a long wait I get back to the exam room and my Dr does a complete work up on me.  This is when I get my first little tinge of "I don't like you" towards this man.  Reason - he keeps commenting on how my cervix bleeds every time he pokes it!  WTF?  Then stop poking it!  What are you doing?!?  But he then crawls back out of my vagina and says everything is fine and it's nothing to worry about.  Then why were you poking it?  I don't think I like you.

Then he breaks out the ultrasound machine.  Now, I realize that I am a little spoiled by the fancy equipment they have at Shady Grove Fertility.  And I didn't expect them to have the newest of the brightest machines.  However, the man pulled out what looked like an Apple IIe with a dirty yellow stick that is the internal ultrasound wand.  This thing was straight out of the 80's.  How is this possible?  This is the most commonly recommended OB office in all of Frederick and THIS is their ultrasound machine?  Oh Shit.

During the ultrasound I kept hearing a lot of "Hmmmm. . . . yeah."  A lot of unhappy face was up in my vagina.  He didn't say a word.  He just kept sighing and shaking his head.  I went into worry mode.  "I don't see a heartbeat."  And with that horrifying statement he pulled the ultrasound wand out and turned the machine off.  He then started going into the speech of what we do next. 

"No heartbeat means miscarriage.  I am very sorry.  I know this is hard."

NOT what I was prepared to hear today.

"Now I am going to send you to a specialist just to make sure they don't see a heartbeat either.  And then we can discuss if you wish to loose the baby naturally or have another D&C"

I FEEL like I am going to pass out.

"You can get dressed now and my assistant will get your referral prepared for you.  Have a nice day."

As I am sure you can imagine panic the likes of which no one should ever have to experience filled my body and I am amazed I was able to function enough to put clothes on, let alone drive to a different Dr office.  And please keep in mind that I am alone.  Morgan is at work.  I told him there was no point to coming to this appointment when he just saw an ultrasound on Thursday.  I am alone and in total and utter panic.

This is where I will fast forward almost 2 hours.  This specialist office is more like what I am used to.  Everything is shiny and new and all the equipment is state of the art.  I am led to an exam room with the biggest ultrasound machine I have ever seen in my life.  It looks like a control panel from Star Trek.  And there is a HUGE flat screen Tv mounted on the wall so you can watch the ultrasound image up there and larger than life.  It's all kinds of awesome.  That beautiful ultrasound tech was in my coot for all of 3 seconds before she showed me the biggest and most amazing heartbeat you have ever seen!  Strong.  Loud.  Regular.  Healthy.  This is when the flood gate broke and I cried like someone just shot my puppy.  Big ugly cry.  Crying while trying soooo hard to stop so I could see the baby without the blur of tears in the way.  The tech must be used to this sort of thing.  She calmly explained to me that the machines my OB uses are very outdated (already knew that!) and that it's not surprising they could not pick up a heartbeat at 7 weeks.  She keeps the image of the baby and the audio of the heartbeat up till I finally stop crying.  Bless her.

And thus ends the longest three hours of my life.  I'm not sure I want to go back to that OB office.  I know I don't want to see that man again.  There are 3 Dr's at this practice and I don't think I would have the option of not seeing this man in particular.  From what I was told they take turns with the patients.  I called out from work when I was on my way to see the specialist.  So at least I have the rest of the day to calm my ass down and perhaps consult the internets on different OB practices in my area.  I'm exhausted.

Happy Monday, everyone!

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 18th, 2011 05:25 pm (UTC)
Seriously, find a new doctor right now. That is absolutely ridiculous. Even if you can schedule your appointments with another doctor in that practice, you do not want that man to be the one on call the day you are going to deliver. I would find a new practice all together and when you call to get your records switched, I would tell them exactly why you are leaving. That is so not cool.
Jul. 18th, 2011 05:30 pm (UTC)
HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!

1) You absolutely have the right to not see him. What you do is make sure you see one of the other two when you are scheduling your next appointment. I did the same thing all the time. You just have to be aware that you might still get him when delivery time comes (unless for some reason you are scheduling your delivery).

2) HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) I would submit a complaint about him with the nurse at the desk. This will not count against you with the other doctors, it is necessary for them to know what happened to smack his ass around.

4) Ask them if they always do the ultrasound in office or if they usually send you out to a facility for the big ones. Sometimes doctors have old equipment in office to check things for freaked out moms, but they send you to a real ultrasound location for scheduled ultrasounds. I did this in Baltimore all the time.

5) HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!
Jul. 18th, 2011 09:07 pm (UTC)
I would definitely find a new dr. The dr who diagnosed my miscarriage was very cold and unfeeling. I was very glad to see my regular dr today and have her talk calmly to me about the process - the process that I'm SO GLAD you won't be going through.
I'm so happy for your munchkins beating heart!
Jul. 19th, 2011 02:59 am (UTC)
it's jessi with an i ;~)
i would encourage you to find a new doc. you are going to be going to the ob WAY too often... at least once a month for the first 2 trimesters... then once every two weeks... then once a week. then you will eventually push that gorgeous strong heartbeat out... do you really want to risk that jerk at the other end of your who-ha? this whole pregnancy thing is WAY too awesome to leave it to a jerk. i mean the docs aren't all warm and fuzzy but that guy is a rare breed of jerk. sorry you had to go through that... especially given your history. glad to hear the beautiful strong heartbeat!!! and weep away... that sound is amazing!
Jul. 19th, 2011 06:07 am (UTC)
I'd be leaving, too. Definitely tell them why you are leaving the practice.
Jul. 19th, 2011 02:11 pm (UTC)
The only bright side
This was a hell of a blog post. You're a great storyteller, but god I'm glad you got good news. That first doctor sounds awful.

Jul. 20th, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness! total scary bears! glad all is well with your little bean and so sorry you ahd to go through that! DEFINETLY find a new doctor asap! eeew!
Jul. 24th, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)
He still has a medical license? You should write to the board.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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